Heart Beats Read online

  As if anyone wouldn’t notice Rocky Kohler. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s looking for attention, and I’m just the girl to give it to him. Without hesitation, I stand from my chair and climb into Rocky’s lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, whispering in his ear. “Oh, I’ve noticed you, too, Kohler,” I say in my sexiest voice, “but a girl’s got her priorities, and mine is my tummy.” I lean back and rub my stomach for emphasis, moaning a little as I do it. I feel his dick twitch under my ass, and it makes me smile because now I know I’ve got him hook, line, and sinker. I wasn’t going to eat the eclair on my plate because honestly, I’m full, but this is an opportunity to flirt with the infamous Rocky Kohler, so what’s a girl to do? Reaching out, I grab hold of the éclair and take a bite. I moan as I swallow it. “I just love cream-filled things.” I lick my lips before taking another bite. “The filling tastes so sweet when I swallow.”

  A low growl comes from Rocky, and I feel his hand squeeze my hip. “I’ve got something cream filled I’m sure you’d like.” He says it so low that only I can hear him.

  My panties were already damp from just sitting next to him, but the sexy sound of his voice and the heat from his body underneath me has me soaking my panties. “Is that so?” I smile back, licking my lips. “So, what do you do for the band?” I feign ignorance. “I assume you’re with the band, because Kayla said a few of you would be coming by tonight. Are you one of the guys who move all the equipment around? Uhm, a road something or other?”

  Rocky looks at me like I have two heads. “You really don’t know who I am?”

  Before I can answer him, Rusty pipes up, blowing my cover. “Come on, Kathy, stop fucking with the guy. You know damn well who he is.”

  “Damn it, Rusty. You have no sense of humor at all.” My eyes meet Rocky’s. “Yes, I know who you are. You’re only the greatest drummer out there.” I let my fangirl side slip just a little before I compose myself. “Well, Kayla says you’re the best out there.”

  Rocky’s fingers wiggle into my rib cage, tickling my side and causing me to squirm in his lap. “You’re quite the little prankster, aren’t you?” His voice carries loudly enough for anyone close by to hear, but it’s the whisper in my ear that has my heart fluttering. “You’ll pay for that. I can tease you in so many ways that you’ll be begging me to let you come before the night is out.”

  My eyebrows rise in surprise, causing my eyes to go wide. Rocky laughs a full-hearted laugh, drawing the attention from those all around us. I’m positive that Rusty is going to say something, but he hasn’t said a word about my flirting at all. Though I’m sure I’ll hear about it on the way home tonight. I don’t give a shit, though; he’s my brother, not my keeper, and the pull between Rocky and me is off the charts.

  Cayson pulls up a chair next to all of us and begins speaking with Rocky. “Remember how you came to me and said you were looking for personal security, someone to replace Ellie, but you couldn’t find anyone who didn’t have a stick up their ass?”

  Rocky acknowledges Cayson. “You mean the day I caught you reading Kayla’s book, but you were too afraid to admit that you had feelings for her?”

  That makes me laugh because if that’s true, then both Kayla and Cayson had been so dead set on not giving in to their pride that they lost precious time together.

  Rocky continues his story. “Dude, you didn’t even know how to work your Nook, and don’t go denying it. Jeanette told me all about it.

  Cayson quickly cuts Rocky off mid-story. “As I was going to say, Rusty here is in the personal security business and has the extra skills you mentioned you were looking for. I bet if the offer were right, he wouldn’t mind being your personal security when we head back out on the road.”

  For the first time for as long as I can remember, Rusty is speechless. I’m not used to my brother not coming back with a joke of some sort. He’s always been quite the prankster. We both get it from our dad, so I’m surprised when he responds so seriously. “Are you serious? Because if you are, shit, I’d love the opportunity.”

  Cayson stands, telling Rocky and Rusty to work out the details and that he’ll have Sean, their manager, finalize all the arrangements. As happy as I am for my brother, I’m totally excited for me. This is my opportunity to start hanging out with the band, and more particularly, Rocky. It never once occurrs to me that my brother would possibly have issues with my fantasy.

  The car ride home is just as I expected it would be. We aren’t half a block from Cayson’s before Rusty lays into me. “What were you thinking back there? I wasn’t going to embarrass you, but you’re playing with fire. You know that guy has issues, ones I don’t want you involved in. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  I stare out the window as Rusty lays out all the reason why being friends, let alone getting involved, with Rocky is a bad idea. When I can’t take it anymore, I speak up. “Just shut up, okay? I get it. You have concerns.”

  I’m immediately cut off by my brother. “Concerns are what you have when you are trying to choose which doctor you want to visit. This isn't a concern; this is me telling you to stay away. I can only imagine what little scenario you have played out in your mind, and it has disaster written all over it for both of us. I know you; you’ll want to fix him because you’re a fixer. Sometimes, things can’t be fixed, little sister; they just can’t.”

  We’re stopped at a red light, so I’m forced to look at my brother when I speak. “I don’t fix everything. I’m not trying to fix him; I just want to have some fun. And since when are you my father, telling me what I can and can’t do?”

  There have been very few times in my life when I’ve seen my brother’s face turn bright red. In fact, I can honestly say it has only been when he has been ready to beat someone’s ass, so I know he is trying really hard not to beat mine.

  “You’re right, smart ass, I’m not your dad. I’m your brother, and right now, you are fucking with my livelihood. I have a chance at something good here. A chance to get away from the strip club and earn more money than even Gauge Ellington was willing to pay me, and I won’t have you fuck it up because you can’t keep your hormones in check.”

  The light turns green, causing Rusty to focus on the road and not on me any longer. As much as I want to tell my brother to go fuck himself, I know he’s right. This is everything I’ve wanted for him, so I won’t screw it up for him. Just then, I feel my phone vibrate in my bra—because where else does a girl keep her phone when she doesn’t have a purse?—but I’m afraid to look at it. There’s a good chance it will be Rocky texting. The remainder of the drive home is silent, both Rusty and I brooding about the argument we just had. We don’t fight; that’s not to say we don’t disagree, but we never yell at each other, which is exactly what we just did. Rusty doesn’t bother to even park the truck; he just pulls up to the curb and stops. I know I should say something to smooth things out between us, but I don’t. I just open the door, climb out, and walk to my front door as he drives off.

  My keys are in the lock when my phone vibrates again. I don’t pull it out until I’m inside and the door is locked behind me. There are two texts, both from Rocky.

  Drummer Boy: Are you home yet?

  Drummer Boy: Are you ignoring me?

  3

  Rocky

  I know Kathy should be home by now, but she is ignoring my texts. Maybe I read the situation all wrong. Maybe she is just one of those girls who come on hot but have no intentions of following through. Usually, I’m good at spotting those girls from a mile away, but this one didn’t show those signs. I knew she was into me the minute she climbed into my lap. I thought maybe her brother would have an issue with our flirting, but he didn’t seem to care at all. It’s one of the reasons that we hit it off so well. He let me be me and her be her.

  I’m about to send off one final text when Ellie walks into my room. “Soooo, what’s with the girl?”

  I look up from my phone to see a smile on her face. “You ever th
ink about knocking before you come in?”

  Ellie shakes her head “If the door had been closed, yes, but since it wasn’t, I figured that meant I could come on in.”

  Well shit, she’s got me there. “Sit down, Elle. We need to talk.” Her eyes immediately show concern. “It’s okay, you don’t need to freak out just because I want to talk to you. It’s just that I think I’ve found a…” I stop because I’m not sure how to explain what Rusty will be for me.”

  “A girlfriend?” Elle shrieks. “You just met her. You can’t be serious.”

  “What? No.” I shake my head, completely lost. “What are you talking about?”

  “What are you talking about? I thought you were going to say you found a girlfriend.”

  “I was going to say bodyguard, support person, hell, I’m not sure how to really describe what I want Rusty to do for me.” I think about it for a few seconds, trying to find the right words. “I know the reason you showed up, baby girl. CJ called you to come and be my sitter. The thing is, not that I don’t love having you around, but I really don’t want you around. At least not twenty-four seven. You’ve got a life you need to live.”

  “Oh, thank God,” Ellie says. “I thought for sure you were going to say you found a girlfriend. Shit, she clung to you all night long, and I didn’t see you pushing her away. Just the opposite, big brother. You looked happy. Happier than I’ve seen you since Mom and Dad died.”

  Ellie’s right. I haven’t been happy since our parents died. I mean, I’ve been happy, but not the same kind of happy you feel when your heart is full. When they died, it left a hole that just couldn’t be filled. Until tonight. Tonight is the closest I’ve come to feeling that kind of completeness.

  “I get it.” Ellie smiles at me. “You don’t need your sister cramping your style, and yes, CJ called me because he was worried and he had his hands full.” Ellie sits down on the bed beside me and places her head on my shoulder. “So, you think Rusty will be able to be what you need? He knows your story, and he can deal with the situation.”

  I wrap my arm around my sister’s waist and squeeze her tight. “I’m not a situation, kiddo. I have a problem, and I’m doing the best I can to deal with it. Rusty is just what I need. He’s on my side, not the label’s. He understands addiction. I really think he’s better suited for me than you are. Please don’t take that personally.”

  Ellie hugs me back. “I’ll never take it personally. You’re all I’ve got for family. I just want what’s best for you, and if Rusty is the better choice, then I get it. But if you screw up one more time, I swear I’ll put you in rehab and throw away the key. You’ll live out your rock legend days in an institution, because I can’t live without you in my life. Got it?”

  I kiss the top of Ellie's head. “I got it, Elle, one more fuckup, and I’ll never see the light of day again.” I shake my head and smile. “I love you, too, baby girl. Now, go to bed. I’ve got some things I need to take care of still.”

  Ellie squeezes me one more time and then stands and walks to the door. Just before she leaves, she turns once more. “It’s been forever since you called me baby girl. You sure that girl doesn’t have anything to do with all this happiness?”

  I think about it for a minute or two. “You know when you see someone, and you just know that there is something there? Well, that’s what I felt tonight.” I throw a pillow at her, not giving her a chance to respond. “Go before I disown you. And close the door this time.”

  Ellie smiles at me one last time, then closes the door behind her.

  Maybe there is some truth to my sister's words. I’m sure Kathy does have something to do with how I’m feeling. There’s only one way to find out for sure, but until I talk to her, I’m not going to know.

  Me: Did I misread the situation tonight? You’re not returning my texts, and I really thought we hit it off pretty well.

  When several minutes pass and I don’t get any response, I turn out the lights, place my phone on the table, and hook it to its charger.

  4

  Kathy

  Drummer Boy: Did I misread the situation tonight? You’re not returning my texts, and I really thought we hit it off pretty well.

  This is the third text I’ve received from Rocky. I don’t know what I should do. Well, that’s not true. I do know. I should keep ignoring him. That would be the smart thing, but I can’t. I like Rocky. I like being around him, and it’s not because he’s famous or because he’s hot as fuck. Well, maybe part of it is because he is hot as fuck, but he is a good person. Yes, he’s a bit of a mess and has some issues, but that doesn’t define him as a person. He just needs someone who’ll understand and support him.

  I hear my brother’s voice in my head You’re a fixer, Kathy, but you can’t fix him. Maybe he’s right. I am a fixer, and that is exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to be there for Rocky because he needs a friend.

  Me: I’m here. Are you there?

  Minutes go by without a response. Just when I don’t think he is going to respond and that I’ve blown my chance, my phone pings.

  Drummer Boy: I’m here. I’m not the one hiding.

  Me: I’m not hiding. I was just doing what I was told. I was staying away.

  Drummer Boy: Was? Are you not anymore?

  Me: I’m finding it hard.

  Drummer Boy: Oh, it’s hard, alright. Just thinking of you makes me hard.

  Me: I meant staying away.

  Drummer Boy: That’s a shame.

  Me: Did you just sext me?

  Drummer Boy: No.

  Me: Yes, you did.

  My phone immediately rings, and the caller ID says Drummer Boy. “Hey,” I answer on the second ring.

  “I did not sext you, Kathy, I was just stating the obvious. Now, who told you to stay away from me?”

  This is going to be an uncomfortable conversation. There’s no easy way to tell him the person he just hired to be by his side twenty-four seven starting in thirty days is the one person who doesn’t want me around him. “Well, I don’t want to tell you because I’m afraid you’ll be upset.”

  Rocky’s voice sounds hurt when he speaks. “Cut the shit, Kathy. Just tell me who told you to stay away.”

  “Rusty,” I tell him. “My brother says I need to stay away from you.”

  “Why?” Rocky asks, confusion in his voice.

  “Because he’s afraid it will affect his job with you. He doesn’t want me screwing up his job, OK?” I leave out the part about him being concerned about his addiction.

  There is silence on the other end of the phone, and I’m almost sure he’s hung up when Rocky finally speaks. “Are you sure that’s the only reason, Kathy? What we do won’t affect his job. What will affect his job is him deciding what’s best for me.”

  This is so not going the way I wanted it to go. What started off as a playful text conversation is ending with us having a debate on the phone.

  “Isn’t that exactly what you hired him for, Rocky? You hired Rusty to watch over you and intervene when he thinks there is a risk that will lead you to make a bad decision. He’s just doing his job. It doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to him.”

  I hear Rocky take a deep breath, then let it out. “Good, glad to hear you aren’t listening to him, because I’d hate to fire him before he even starts the job. Now, let’s get back to you and me. I want to see you. When can I see you again?”

  Playing coy isn’t something I do well. I’m a kind of a say-what-I-feel-when-I feel-it kind of gal. “Is ten minutes too soon?” I suggest jokingly.

  Rocky’s laughter roars through the phone. “How about tomorrow morning? I’ll take you to breakfast.”

  I counter him. “How about tomorrow night, dinner? I have to work in the morning.”

  “See you for dinner, then. Text me your address when we hang up, and I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  I thought Rocky meant we were hanging up, but I was wrong. We talk for hours about everything and anything. He tells me how
he met Cayson and the other band members. He shares how he once felt trapped into staying with the band, and how using drugs helped ease that feeling. Then he shares how he found the passion once again when they signed with the label and how he couldn’t imagine doing anything but being a drummer. But deep down inside, I can hear in his voice that he isn’t truly happy when he speaks about the music and the band. Not happy the way he sounds when he talks about his sister or when he speaks of his parents. There is something different; it’s as if he leads two lives. The one that he wishes he were living and the one he actually lives.

  I feel myself almost drift off to sleep several times during our conversation, and when I Iook at my clock, I see it’s almost two in the morning.

  I yawn loudly. “Rocky, I gotta go to bed. I have to work today.”

  I hear the rustle on his end of the phone. “Shit, Kathy, I didn’t realize how late it was. Get some sleep, and I’ll talk to you later today.”

  5

  Rocky

  Two a.m., and sleep evades me. I lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling, replaying my conversation in my head I just had with Kathy. I still can’t believe I shared things with her that even my band brothers don’t know. Shit just spilled out of my mouth so easily, and she wasn’t judgmental about it. She listened to everything without interrupting me, and not once did I hear anything but sincerity in her answers. For the first time in a really long time, I feel complete. I don’t have the urge to twist the lid off the bottle I keep stashed in my drawer. No, instead I just wait for sleep to take me, and eventually it does.

  When I wake, I check my phone and find that it’s after one and I’ve got three missed calls from Cayson. I’m sure it isn’t important. Otherwise, he would have called Ellie to wake my ass up. I toss the phone on the bed and stumble my way into the bathroom, where I set the controls on the shower panel. Steam, check. Rain shower head, check. A little music, and I’m ready to go.